Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Betty ford says i'm here all night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
