I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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