He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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