Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
