I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
