Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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