Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How naked do you want me to be?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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