ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
