If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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