and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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