I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
