the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
