I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
