I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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