if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pants are for mortals
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