i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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