Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
