So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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