Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
