You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
