I wannas sexs uuuuu
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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