Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm always down for nudity.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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