I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
