ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
