dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
