After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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