ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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