for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
