someone owes me an orgasm
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
its liver damage thursday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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