Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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