you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love having hate sex.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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