Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
