My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
