just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
