wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Green mimosas i think yes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Randomize