Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
