We named our party play list daddy issues
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize