There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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