Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
