she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
