we have officially lost it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
