Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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