I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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