I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
