My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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