im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
