Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
