took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
