Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
