he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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