It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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