All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize