you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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