i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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