They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
