Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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