dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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