i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
where are you?
Hypothermia
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
