why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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