he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Randomize
