I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
