It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
i now understand why vodka
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
