The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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