Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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