and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
