so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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