its not stalking. its research.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
