dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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