On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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