Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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