If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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