a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
