Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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