Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
