I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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