Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
