just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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