and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We just shotgunned beers for America
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
