Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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