Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
