Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
