AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
