I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
