My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
