FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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