And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
