She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
