I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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