What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Randomize
