i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Text me some of your sweat
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
