Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
