Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
