I should be sponsored by Trojan
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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