i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
third nipple confirmed
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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