Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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