Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You just made me feel so damn special
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
