youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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