I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
